when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
