I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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