Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
pop tarts are not kleenex
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
