I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
