There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
