So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
