I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Randomize
