is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
