if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
