Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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