A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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