good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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