So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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