So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
