We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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