this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
