They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
