i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
