you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
