On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Randomize
