Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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