never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
