Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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