oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Don't EVER smell your tampon
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
