also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Your penis caused this!
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