you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
