because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
