just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
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