Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
