I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
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