I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
