UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
