# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
