Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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