all she had left on were here heels. phone five
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
