I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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