You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
