if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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