booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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