i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
