yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
