Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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