So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
