Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
