I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
