you would pick up someone in the library
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
My bed smells like the plague
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
