Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
