meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
