Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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