just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
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