She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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