YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
