So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
