At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
