When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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