Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
