i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
