Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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