why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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