Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
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