Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
So squirting runs in the family.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
