Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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