dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
