My cat gives me a boner
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
