Small penises have feelings too.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
