All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
