I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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