yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize