Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
