i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
