in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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