Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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