Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Randomize
