She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
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If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
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I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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