I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I could make wine with my vomit
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Houston, we have a squirter
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize