Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
