Me too!
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
