First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
