He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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