just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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