this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
