Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
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and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
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Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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