super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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