So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
