last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
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