Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
