I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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