he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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