is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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