She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
