if i can run in heels then i can drive
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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